the Erudite Baboon: Journal
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For lack of any original ideas...

I want
everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more no less.
Unles you have four questions you really want to ask. I suppose that
would be ok. Or if you can only think of two I don't want to force you
to come up with a third one which you haven't really thought through,
and kind of detracts from your previous two. Yeah, two's ok. Or one. Ask
me anything you want and I will answer it. Unless it's naughty. Or really really hard. Or rhetorical. Then,
I want you to go to
your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including
myself) to ask you anything. Actually you don't have to. I don't want
to pressure you or anything. It's probably best if you do your own
thing. Be an individual for crying out loud. Some people.









I feel dirty.
5.5.04 15:47


It's all terribly exciting

Lately I have been meeting lots of exciting bloggers and having a right
royal rumbustuous time of it all. Last friday I met looper, gamba,
oneidea, lump soup, mr gamba, dippysea and t(e)bs (I would make all
these into links, but I am very weary today. Why not imagine they are
links by clicking on them then very quickly going to the blog in
question, thereby saving me all the bother. Cheers.) They were all
lovely. A great time was had by all and I was soundly thrashed at table
football, by what I can only assume was a pair of professional hustlers
(namely looper and lump).



Then last night I met the mighty queenie and handed over her fine plate
(which will be revealed here shortly). I was sorry to part with it, but
I was partly consoled by a huge bar of toblerone, and a packet of those
princes among biscuits, maryland cookies (which I plan to have for my
lunch). Queenie was also lovely. And decidedly nautical.



And as if all of this wasn't enough, we rounded of the night with
velvetmorning and newmalden (I'm very glad I didn't make all of these
links. I would have been here all day), dancing in the boardroom at
virgin radio and eating free icecreams. Coffee flavour yuck. Oh yes,
and newmalden and velvetmorning are still lovely too. I can't afford to
have favourites in my position. Now I am tired and hungover. Leave me
alone.
6.5.04 12:37


It's assemble your own food time!

Guess what I have to finish off my lunch? A choc dip! wizzo. As ever I
will attempt to use as little chocolate as possible on the sticks so I
can finish what's  left with my finger. It's traditional.





P.S I searched the whole internet for pictures of choc dip, and couldn't find one anywhere. But I did find this:







close enough.
6.5.04 15:17


Plates! plates! everywhere!

Now that the transaction has been made I can reveal the awesome majesty that is Queenies flamingo plate:







bask! bask in its glory!



And a sneak preview of the next plate:







woo.



Who's next?
7.5.04 12:34


Success!

After a week of searching, a week of craving, I finally found one! I'd
heard rumours that one could be found at golden square, so after
brushing up on my soho geography I set off on my journey. A few wrong
turns later I was there, but my goal was nowhere in sight. With a sigh
I accepted my mission was hopeless and turned to leave the scene, but
then from the corner of my eye I saw it. I had to look twice but there
it was. The beautiful blue sign. Greggs. My quest for a bakery in soho
was finally complete and my hunger for a cheese and ham bake could
finally be sated.



I crossed the portal and there they were - those beautiful golden
squares (coincidence? I think not) crammed with yellow and pink
goodness. I decided they looked a bit small for a whole meal so thought
to add a little something. My eyes flitted accross the yumyums. They
are certainly strangely addictive, but remembering that sickly sweet
taste when they first go into your mouth gave me shivers, so my gaze
moved on. I decided to stick with what I knew. That stalwart of the
bakers offerings. The jumbo sausage roll. But what's this? They only
showed the price for two jumbo sausage rolls (I snip at 1.20). I
considered asking for just one, but feared the bakers terrible wrath at
my foolish request. So I meekly took the two jumbo sausage rolls and
the ham slice and returned to my place of work to consume the spoils.



Now I sit replete at my desk, belly distended with delicious flaky
pastry, melted cheese and sausage meat of dubious origin. My fresh
baked pastry craving has passed. But who knows where and when it may
strike again. Until that time: Greggs, I salute you!








fun fact: www.sausageroll.com is not a registered domain name.
7.5.04 15:52


The have seen the future and it involves a sucky nozzle thing

On sunday Em and I bore witness to the most amazing and inefficient ice cream delivery
system conceivable, a system so convoluted and bizarre I felt it had to be related
here. With diagrams.



As we approach the machine it looks much like any other ice cream
vending machine, with buttons and a door at the bottom for getting your
ice cream out of:







there was a glass panel in the middle but it was just looking at some
flat black surface, so we didn't pay it much attention at first. That
was until something magical happened:







here we see the view through the window. That black surface was
actually the side of the lid of a tiny freezer hidden inside the
machine. It's divided into sections which we can see contain different
sorts of ice cream. I never really thought much about how the inside of
ice cream vending machines looked, but never in my wildest dreams could
I have imagined that it looked kind of like a miniature kitchen. As we watched in awed silence a sinister looking
rubber nozzle descended from the top of the machine, hanging ominously
above the freezer.



Nothing could have prepared us for what happened next:







the nozzle lowered into the section of the freezer containing our
selected ice cream (in this case a feast: they had sold out of cornetto
whippy's) and with a mighty whirr it sucked up the
frozen treat! We stood dumbstruck as we watched the final act of this
bizzare tale unfold:







the nozzle wafted dream-like to hang above the output chute where it
released it's terrible vacu-grip and sent the selected food stuff
tumbling to the exit, where our greedy hands awaited to collect the
delicious fuit of our labours.



At first the whole system did seem grotesquely inneficient, a gross
waste of our planets diminishing resources, but then I considered that,
actually it was pretty cool to watch, so it wasn't so bad. And since
the coke machine I tried to use this morning not only didn't entertain
me, but also ate my money without giving me any drink at all, I have to
say this vending machine of the future gets the baboon thumbs up. Well
done Walls.
10.5.04 17:02


Damn you art shop and your tricksy ways!

I went into the lovely nearby art shop to buy a big thick brush to
paint with (at the weekend I took the bold step of buying a few cheap-o
canvases - wish me luck) and after picking up a set of four in various
shapes and sizes I made the mistake of wandering around the rest of the
shop. I managed to resist for a while - I didn't buy the wooden
skeleton hand, or the brush for a hundred pounds (seriously, a hundred pounds. How good can a brush get?), but then I
saw it, and I knew I had to have it. I am now the proud owner of a
white board.



The possibilities are endless.



I can mount it on my living room wall and every day I can create a new
work of art. I can pretend I work for london underground and write
about delays on my own set of imaginary tube lines. I can draw
hilariously offensive charicatures of my flatmates. I could even draw a
crude representation of the male genitalia. Such is the power I command.









I imagine you are all spitting with envy right now.
11.5.04 15:33


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